So today I found out my course grades for UCI. I don’t get it…I don’t remember being this dumb. I know my studying habits are practically nothing compared to my (past) hallmates. But still, I never needed to try before and I think I’m doing well for someone who doesn’t do their work.

When I do try, it doesn’t seem to be good enough. For example, math 2A. I actually tried and I honestly tried my best to help my peers do their best even when that meant no study time for me. The result, a 89.8 . I think that’s low for the calculus and that percentage is still considered a B+, when in other classes it’s an A-. I understand my g-chem grade because I didn’t give any effort whatsoever. But math…the one thing I wanted some sort of A in. I even got an A in humanities core…but I don’t give a hoot about that class. So yea basically my gpa sucks. And I feel as if I’m never going to reach my goals. I know this sounds stupid but, is life worth it. Just a question to put out there. There are so many things to worry about. Am I going to make it through college? Is my mom going to be ok for her 19th year of struggling as a single mother? Am I even good enough to make it to grad school for pharmacy? Am I going to start liking myself?

I don’t know. Life is just really hard. Haha I feel as if everyone I meet seems to be more fortunate than me, whether it be having a complete family, or not having to worry as much as I do about financial stuff. But mostly everyone at a UC school is fortunate. I’m considering other options…but not really. I think my last option is the worst. I really don’t know what to make of life right now. I feel like I haven’t been happy in years.